'She told me I could have first dibs on what gift to get her': Wedding planner discovers his ungrateful sister wants an extra wedding present

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
May 28, 2023 3:00 PM EDT

No one knows how to push your buttons better than your own family members. It starts when you're children, but even once you're grown up, the same people who you love more than anything can still get on your last nerve. 

This wedding planner found himself quite frustrated with his sister as she planned her dream wedding. Like lots of creative jobs, his sister seems to be under the impression that his job is easy and inexpensive, when in reality it's just the opposite. This guy helped her choose themes, a venue, and even helped out with organizing some catering for her. She basically just assumed that he was helping for free, as if normal clients wouldn't pay for such a service! In the comments, people shared lots of ways the OP could get back at his sister. Perhaps he'll take their advice and send a nice note or invoice as a reminder of all he did for the big day.

Next up, this birthday host invited a bunch of teens to a restaurant — then decided they should actually pay for their own meals. 

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  • 01
    Font - 'While I was setting up the registry she told me I could have first dibs on what gift I was getting her, I looked at her confused and said that my help planning was my gift.' t
    via Amy Shamblen on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - r/AmItheA Posted by u/EarthClassic230 8 hours ago WIBTA if I didn't get my sister a wedding gift? Ok so I (25M) am a wedding planner so when my sister (32F) announced she was getting married, most of our family, her included, assumed I'd help plan it for her. I initially didn't really want to as ger wedding is right in the middle of busy season so I'd miss out on gigs that would pay but then I decided that she's my sister and this would be a good wedding gift and would just help with the
    via u/EarthClassic230
  • 03
    Font - She was so happy when I agreed and we started going over her plans and themes, I found some venues and we went to look at them, I took care of all of the catering so all she had to do was taste test and pick, I was also able to use my connections to get her special deals and stuff like that.
    via u/EarthClassic230
  • 04
    Font - At first it was pretty smooth but as time went on it just got more and more stressful. She wouldn't communicate with anyone and almost got her photographer to quit (I had to convince him to stay), she'd constantly change her mind on things and then get mad they were changed as I should of known she was just being indecisive and that I should have stuck with the first option.
    via u/EarthClassic230
  • 05
    Font - While I was setting up the registry she told me I could have first dibs on what gift I was getting her, I looked at her confused and said that my help planning was my gift. She then said that a lot of family helped out and they are still getting gifts. I told her that other family members helped move furniture or lend me their car to pick up supplies, I was doing most of the work and was missing out on actually getting paid helping her.
    via u/EarthClassic230
  • 06
    Font - She said she's greatful for my help but that this wouldn't really constitute a gift unless I was paying for things like her dress or the venue. And she said it didn't matter when I brought up that my connections have literally saved her thousands when you add them up.
    via u/EarthClassic230
  • 07
    Organism - She's now calling me cheap and is getting our family involved. I don't know what she told them (they won't tell me) but they keep saying how selfish I am to make my sister's big day all about me.
    via u/EarthClassic230
  • 08
    Font - If I could afford it I wouldn't mind getting her something, but the cheapest thing in the registry is almost $200 and I'm not well off, plus my loss of income I can't afford something like that rn. I want to support her but I don't think I'm gonna get her a gift, WIBTA if I didn't?
    via u/EarthClassic230
  • 09
    Font - Pleasant-Koala147. 8 hr. ago 36 S Enthusiast [5] & 2 More A NTA. Make an itemised bill for her outlining the hours you've spent, the income you've lost by turning down paid gigs, and the savings you've got her through your contacts. Print the final total in big, bold numbers, then print "Gifted" in red letters across the front. Frame it and put it on a stand at the gift table at her wedding so everyone
    via u/Pleasant-Koala147
  • 10
    Font - can see how generous you've been. Anyone tries to argue that you're being selfish tell them to read it out loud. If they accuse you of being petty, tell them it would t have been necessary if it had been appreciated by the bride and themselves.
    via u/Pleasant-Koala147
  • 11
    Font - borisslovechild 7 hr. ago Parta pant [3] OP this is the way. A lot of people don't realise just how much work something like event planning is.
    via u/borisslovechild
  • 12
    Font - screamqueen57. 8 hr. ago edited 4 hr. ago Partas pant [2] NTA. While I would have maybe been clear up front that getting your services for free was the gift, your sister's level of entitlement is ridiculous. Frankly, I'd hand your sister a bill for the work you did that highlights the money you saved her with your industry discounts, and say either she can pay you and you'll get her something off the registry or this and your continued free labor can be the gift.
    via u/screamqueen57
  • 13
    Font - "Helping out" is when someone comes over to make favors, helps transport items, or decorate you are providing a service and coordinating an entire event for her. And as with your family that feels the need to be involved, you need to be clear with them that you are a 25 year old, losing out on actual money to support yourself, and you're disappointed your family neither seems to value your work or time.
    via u/screamqueen57
  • 14
    Font - dahliaukifune. 5 hr. ago It makes me so angry on OP's behalf and if I were them I'd also tell their parents that they're to blame for raising such an entitled person.
    via u/dahliaukifune
  • 15
    Font - IllustriousShake6072- 8 hr. ago NTA. Loss of income IS an expense. She sounds like an entitled brat.
    via u/IllustriousShake6072
  • 16
    Font - nun_the_wiser. 8 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] You can send her a bill alongside your gift. She can't have it both ways. ΝΤΑ
    via u/nun_the_wiser
  • 17
    Font - sheera_greywolf. 6 hr. ago Nah, send the bill FIRST. After the bill is paid, then send the gift. NTA OP. Send the invoice and CC's all the flying monkeys, OP. Sis can get the free event planning OR a gift. It cant go both ways. Or even better, send the bill to her groom. If Sis cant afford your service, I assume the groom can.
    via u/sheera_greywolf
  • 18
    Font - TheObvious13 8 hr. ago NTA - It was clear that this was your wedding gift, she's literally being greedy. It's not worth falling out over, so I'd just buy the couple a $12 bottle of wine or something and be done with it.
    via u/TheObvious13
  • 19
    Font - ineedtosleeeep. 5 hr. ago This is the way. And then OP, never ever forget the way you were treated here. Don't get guilted into doing more for this entitled brat. Don't fall out over it, but learn from this and assert your boundaries the next time she asks for something. Def NTA, and I honestly wonder about the rest of the family. Yikes.
    via u/ineedtosleeeep
  • 20
    Font - JacobFire 8 hr. ago NTA. And the cheek of her to get family involved in your argument! I suggest you draw up a list of income and things that have cost you while doing her planning and show your family. Don't bother showing this list to her, she will only get more riled up. Instead, show this list to a more level-headed family member who can see from your point of view and let this family member or members advocate for you. Sometimes it takes a 3rd person to make her see the light.
    via u/JacobFire
  • 21
    Font - blueboatsky 7 hr. ago 'No problem sister. In order to buy you a gift I need to refocus my time on paying clients, so I will create a list for you of everything that still needs done and let you take over from here. Enjoy!' ΝΤΑ
    via u/blueboatsky

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